This Sunday I turned my recorder on my sister, Briana. Here are some highlights from our two hour conversation. Overall it was an emotional, insightful, and fun interview. Leave your thoughts in comments and don’t forget to share 🙂
Q: In an ideal world what would the perfect oldest sister be like?
Bri: “Okay. If I list this stuff though you can’t be like ‘am I that person?’ You can’t assume that you’re not.”
Randie: “That’s fine”
Randie: “I may. I’m not.”
Bri: “Reliable. Not saying that you’re not–“
Bri: “–Someone that you can confide in and it not feel like you’re being judged. Someone you can call and they’ll pick up. Just like…a best friend. Someone you don’t mind being around, just someone you can really be close with. Closeness is the key thing.”
Q: What would you say made being sisters hard? Was it family? Comparisons? Ourselves? Or all of the above?
Bri: “I think it was mostly comparisons. Well family. Family and the comparisons because family compared us a lot.”
Randie: “Unbeknownst to us”
Bri: “Yeah. That’s why it took me so long to realize a lot of my anger was unwarranted because we didn’t know. I didn’t know that I wasn’t the only one being picked on about my flaws.”
Randie: “. . . And if it was up to mama it wouldn’t have happened. Which is why I think sometimes she just didn’t understand.”
Bri: “She doesn’t understand our anger towards each other and our hurt because she wasn’t there for a lot of the jabs or people in our ears. She wasn’t there for that.”
Randie: “They never did that in front of her”
Bri: “Yeah. So she saw anger out of nowhere . . . and I didn’t say anything because you were portrayed as perfect in my eyes. You do no wrong. I was the problem child. You’re not. So, what was there for me to call you out on? I didn’t know you had flaws like I did.”
Q: What’s your favorite sister memory?
Bri: “I like how we used to act like we were twins growing up. I find it pretty cool we’re the same age for a few months. I like that moment in time when we’re twins. Probably because I feel like twins are pretty cool.”
Randie: “Do you have a favorite sister memory as an adult?”
Bri: “My memories are just being there for your big moments because if we still fought how we fought years ago, I wouldn’t have been at your wedding, or in your life now. I wouldn’t be around for you making these big giant decisions. If I hadn’t decided that I was tired of fighting or being angry then I would have missed out on a lot of milestones. I guess my favorite moment was zipping up your wedding dress.”
Randie: “That was a good picture”
Bri: “I didn’t like my arms in that picture”
Bri: “I didn’t.”
Randie: “You looked good.”
Bri: “Hmm. Let’s agree to disagree”
Q: What does reconciliation look like to you with us?
Bri: “Us being able to be around each other for long periods of time. We still get annoyed easily with each other. We still have growing to do because we haven’t spent long periods of time together. We gotta get better with communicating. I want us to be able to communicate right then and there how we feel instead of building a wall of resentment to each other.”
Q: What does reconciliation with dad look like?
Bri: “I don’t want the apology
or the changing for a while thing. I just want shit to be easy. . . For me it’s an emotional part because daddy and I were close. And I hate that I have to lose him to drugs and alcohol and I hate that he can’t just pick us. I get scared that sometimes I’m going to get a call from him or from someone else saying that something is wrong with him but then I feel like it would be a relief to not have to worry.
He’s not an addict on the street but he might as well be, because there’s no telling what he does and it scares me that something could happen to him. I just wish we didn’t have to ignore him or didn’t have to not talk to him. It’s hard. But the history with the men in my life is that they use me and I let them use me and that stems from daddy taking my kindness for weakness and that’s what pisses me off and that’s what makes me so guarded with people.”
Q: What’s your favorite thing to do for yourself?
Bri: “Get my nails done. I love getting my nails done. It makes me feel like a woman. So when I go get them done I make a day of it and I just take care of me.”
Randie: “Why your nails?”
Bri: “I just feel like makeup and nails help a woman feel pretty. And I don’t like makeup so nails are my thing.”
Q: So a few days ago I lost two subscribers after my Beyoncé post and you did the Bri thing and made me feel better. So my question is, why do you love Beyoncé?
Bri: I like Beyoncé because she’s a black woman and I love any black woman that’s for black women and for black people in general. Her voice is amazing—though some may not agree but who gives two shits? She’s a role-model. People used to think I had a crush on Beyoncé. Now Rihanna? Yes. Beyoncé, no. She’s more like a role-model or an inspiration. I wouldn’t want to be famous like her because that’s too much attention. But, I would do the good that she does if I had a lot of money and that’s what makes me like her. She appears to be genuine and sweet, and she just seems like she cares and that she loves what she’s doing.
Q: What is your favorite thing about mama? Why do you love her?
Bri: “I like the way mama raised us. It was weird growing up and very restricting but one thing I love about her is that she gives us our freedom to grow. I know that I can make my own decisions and I won’t have her telling me what to do. She let’s us make our own decisions without controlling how our life goes and that’s what makes me love her.
We’re still growing as people, even mama, and it’s amazing to watch her grow and see her change. It’s also nice when me and her can finally be on the same page about my life. It’s nice when both of us agree, because she’s right. She’s right a lot of the times and it took me cutting off my pride and listening to show me that she’s right. She knows what she’s talking about, and she’s only trying to set me up for success in my life. Mama’s just a dope person. She’s great. I love her. That’s my lady.”
Q: What are you looking for in a partner?
Bri: “Lord. You’re trying to make my dating profile now?”
Randie: “I was serious about that actually”
Bri: “I know you are. Reliability. I need someone that’s reliable. Like if I call I know it will get handled. A good sense of humor. I love to laugh. Honesty, integrity, loyalty. Love. I want romance. Intimacy. I want the things every person wants in a relationship. That mushy gushy stuff. Why are you laughing at me? I need someone who can communicate, who can talk. I would like to be apart of his life. Communicating with someone and letting someone know about your day is a great way to incorporate someone in your life.”
Q: Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?
Bri: “Hopefully married. I would like to be married. I’ll be 29. Yes. Please lord let me be married.”
Randie: [laughs] “Oh my god”
Bri: “Working on baby number 1. Or 2? Or twins. You know?”
Bri: “I’m 23. I’m about to be 24. So 26 I’d like to be in that phase of growing with someone. I’d like to also have my degree. By that fifth year—actually I’ll have my degree. Probably decide what I’ll be doing outside of teaching. Just that: married, working on a family, starting on a new life as a counselor. Working for the FBI seems kind of cool. I want to do something with profiling. I don’t know. I’m too indecisive to make up a five-year plan.”
Q: What are the 1-3 things you’d like for someone to take from this interview about you?
Bri: “1. I’m still growing. I’m still learning a lot about who I am as a person. I’m not the same person I was last month and I’m definitely not the same person I was six months ago. 2. I’m a genuinely nice person and even though I may appear standoffish or mean, I’m really just shy. Mostly shy and I don’t know how to start conversations. 3. I would like to be married in 5 years, and I’d love to have kids, and I’d love to have a boyfriend right now but I don’t necessarily need one.
I’ll be single as long as I have to be in order to find the right person. I refuse to settle, refuse to let certain things slide, and I refuse to be compliant. I don’t want to lose myself. I’m not desperate to be in a relationship at all. I will be okay single if that means I’m one step closer to being with the right person.